Sad

Me, my Mom and my Grandma Molly ~ July 2010

The weather is matching my mood.  It's gray and raining.  We haven't had any angry thunderstorms, just more of overcast yuckiness.  I'm sad which fits perfectly.  I know it's normal and that each day will be different and easier.  I live so far away from my family that at moments I can pretend last week didn't happen, that my Grandma will be at the other end of the phone when I call her.  I saw her phone number in my contacts today.  I couldn't delete it.  I hate to think that I won't get to call or see her again.  There are so many questions swirling around in my head that I wish I had asked her.  There are also memories.  I have so many wonderful memories of my Grandparents from when I was little.  My grandma went with me and my mom to Miss Bojangles in the front of Cordova Mall to get my ears pierced when I was 3 or 4.  Grandma had the ultimate green thumb.  She could grow anything.  She loved camellias and I remember going to the Camellia show downtown with her several different years.  I'm glad I inherited my love of plants from her.  Spending the night at their house in Gulf Breeze was always fun.  I thought I was so special when my Grandpa picked me up from Pats on a Friday afternoon.  I also have wonderful adult memories with her.  When we were visiting, she loved for me to come and take her to lunch at The Deli Case.  We'd each get a sandwich and then we'd split a piece of cheesecake.  We always debated whether we should or not even though there was really no question about ordering it in the end.  In recent years, it was harder for her to get out so I'd take lunch to her.  We'd sit in her kitchen and chat about silly things.  My kids loved visiting Grandma Molly as they called her.  She had a big backyard with lots of flowers.  She enjoyed sitting on the swing while they ran around.  They caught a lizard at her house last Christmas and she laughed and laughed as they let it run all over their arms.

This week is American Education and I've been spending time observing in classrooms.  Allie showed me her newest writing assignment today and brought me to tears. 

I already mentioned the flowers, but I didn't talk about the roses.  My grandma loved roses and she had beautiful roses in her yard.  I posted these pictures on my other blog, but wanted to post them here as well.  We chose a spray of cream and pink roses for her casket.  I wish they had been pinker.  She loved pretty pink roses.

My mom's cousins Ray and Lillian sent beautiful Mr. Lincoln Red Roses, her favorite. 

My parents are coming on Thanksgiving Day to spent a week and a half with us.  My mom just needs to get out of town and away from the stress of settling an estate.  She needs prayers.  There's dysfunction and it's taking it toll.  God knows the details.  After that, while have 2 weeks and we'll head to Florida for Christmas.  We just need to get through the holidays and find a new normal.